Friday, April 27, 2007

Tomorrow is always a new day...

I know that today's struggles will become tomorrows accomplishments but sometimes you just wish it wasn't so hard...all the time. I know there is a reason for everything. I know God is constantly molding and making us. The last few days have been difficult for me. I've started my medicine again about a month ago and I can feel it starting to affect me. I've become more moody, snapping at Tim for no reason, losing my patience on the simple things. I find myself crying over almost everything (tears are pouring right now and I'm just writting!!!). Here's the deal...
May 1st I get my new insurance from my company. I am praying that it is good insurance, and a large group policy. If it is, then I would qualify for the gastric bypass surgery. I know what some of you are thinking "its so dangerous" or "What a cop-out". Well, you would be wrong to think either one. It's dangerous for you to get in a car, its even more dangerous to be 200lbs over weight and make your heart work 3 times as hard. Its not a copout at all. I have had medical problems since I can remember. I had always been an active child. Playing in sports, running around a farm, and doing what most kids do. My parents didn't have a lot of money so it wasnt like there was tons of food to eat all the time. They are now finding out that my hormones are so out of wack that I just continue to gain the weight. I can try to lose it but everything seems to go crazy and I'm just at a loss. It was not to long ago that I found myself sitting in the bathroom with a bottle of pills contemplating whether or not I should take them all at once. Thankfully God knew my heart and needs me here so he had Sarah (who never calls because we are both so busy) call me to say "hi". My weight has drove me to this moment several times, I just never was serious about it as I was that day. A week later God gave me a job (if I had only trusted in Him that he would supply my needs, that moment would have never happened) and the job comes with immediate (well starting the 1st of the month) insurance. So with all of that said, I'm praying that God provides a way for me to be happy and healthy. I can no longer live like this. I'm not the same person on the outside as I am on the inside. I just want to feel better. I don't even want to look beautiful. I just want to feel better.
Today I struggle with emotions and overwhelming feelings. Tomorrow, I pray that God gives me peace and understanding....
Looking forward to tomorrow...

Thursday, April 19, 2007

4:30am and not sleeping...

So, I was wide awake this morning at 4:30am. I mean, if you know me, you know I love sleep, so why in the world could I not sleep any longer?!?!?! Well, it could have been the fact that I fell asleep around 8pm the night before, or the fact that I ate some Ledo's pizza (to much actually) and it wasn't sitting with me well. Either way I'm up, and the rest of the world is sleeping. It's actually pretty quite during this time. All i've heard the the chirping of birds.
I've been enjoying my job a lot. There is so much to learn and I feel as if everyday I'm learning something new. A lot of the ladies I work with complain about the company. But I am thankful for the previous company I worked for. It made me realize how much more is out there! My goal (and I know Satan will do everything in his power to try and ruin this for me) is not to get caught up in the "office gossip" or talk bad about anyone to anyone! I mean I've already had a run in with one of the ladies, but I just keep telling myself, God put her in my life for a reason. I've already been labeled the "Sunny brooke farm girl" because I'm always smiling, giggling, and humming. I'm not sure what they say about me behind my back, but then again, I'm not to worried. I've been told I'm doing a great job, so that helps a lot =). The company has some great benefits and I'm pretty excited about moving up in the company. The whole, working in the city thing is...interesting. There is always someone walking around asking for money, and then there are the people who have always lived in the city who walk as if no one else is around and you better get out of their way before they run you over. Then there are the people who just go with life's flow and don't even realize the amazing structures and "beauty" of the city. I probably look like a tourist because I'm always looking up at these HUGE buildings!!! Anyway, I'm loving my job and I get my first pay check this week!!! woohoo!!!
Not to much else is going on right now. There's Church, Bus Ministry and Super Church.
Well, I think I'm gonna go up and do laundry. Until next time...

Wednesday, April 4, 2007

No I'm not dead....lol

Ok, I know you guys are freaking out about me not being on myspace. I mean I know I'm addicted and all but its ok, don't freak out =P.

First of all, I forgot to pay the cable bill, well I didn't forget, I just scheduled it for the wrong month lol. So we didn't have cable last night. And today I went to a "motivational" conference. So with all that said, lets just say I'm motivated to blog! But I'm tired, and I wan't to put my thoughts together before I blog about my very informative, but overwhelming day! I've been up since about 5:15am, battling thunder, lightning, heavy down pours, the light rail, a cold cup of vanilla chia tea from Dunkin donuts, I had to throw my HUGE bottle of Deer Park water that I hadn't even opened yet in the trash cause we weren't allowed to bring it in (cause they wanted you to spend $3.75 on their small Aquafina waters *sigh*), a very crowded arena, I listened to some WONDERFUL, Inspiring speakers, but I'm exhausted! So I'll blog more tomorrow! Hope you all have a great night!!

Monday, April 2, 2007

Kicking off the week....

Well, today is Monday. Generally, when the work force thinks of Mondays, their face becomes a distorted mess. But today was not a typical Monday for me. I had an interview this morning for a mortgage company. It was in the city (which if you know me, you know is a HUGE culture shock for a girl who spent her first 14 years on 350 acres) and I made Tim drive me. I know for a fact I would not have never made it there alive and even if I did, I probably would not have a car right now because it requried parallel parking (something I only learned once inorder to get my drivers liscense and avoid at all costs) and I would have gotten towed. The interview was interesting. The company is very casual. I'm not saying work casual I'm saying, wear what you would wear Saturday morning while cleaning your house casual! I met with two ladies who were extremely sweet, but very set in their ways. I was excited to hear about the "copy" position (that is what they kept referring to it as I explained the "glorified name" would be assistant) and how they love to work with people and teach them as much as they want to know. I love a challenging position, even if it is a "copy" position. There is a lot of room to grow and everyone was extremly friendly! It seemed as if they were trying to offer me the position but could not since they had to go through the agencie. I'm keeping my fingers crossed hoping that they make me an offer =). But at the same time I'm at peace with it if I do not get the position. There has to be the perfect job out there for me right?

Tim and I are doing much better. We had a long talk on Friday and realized that our priorities were not where they should be. We want to serve God in the way HE would want us to serve him. Sometimes I think Tim feels he needs to prove something to this world. I'm not saying that in a bad way, but I do feel he thinks that at times. I know he thinks I deserve the best in life (and trut me, I am thankful he feels that way) but I'm a simple gal, with simple needs. I don't need a $600.00 purse, or $150.00 pair of shoes. I'm happy shopping at payless when they have the buy one get one (bogo) free deal! Or taking me to a yard sale! I think he's starting to realize that now (after 6 years of marriage and 8 years total of being together).

Well, I should get going. Need to do laundry and cleaning and well my wifely duties!
Until next time...