Friday, April 27, 2007

Tomorrow is always a new day...

I know that today's struggles will become tomorrows accomplishments but sometimes you just wish it wasn't so hard...all the time. I know there is a reason for everything. I know God is constantly molding and making us. The last few days have been difficult for me. I've started my medicine again about a month ago and I can feel it starting to affect me. I've become more moody, snapping at Tim for no reason, losing my patience on the simple things. I find myself crying over almost everything (tears are pouring right now and I'm just writting!!!). Here's the deal...
May 1st I get my new insurance from my company. I am praying that it is good insurance, and a large group policy. If it is, then I would qualify for the gastric bypass surgery. I know what some of you are thinking "its so dangerous" or "What a cop-out". Well, you would be wrong to think either one. It's dangerous for you to get in a car, its even more dangerous to be 200lbs over weight and make your heart work 3 times as hard. Its not a copout at all. I have had medical problems since I can remember. I had always been an active child. Playing in sports, running around a farm, and doing what most kids do. My parents didn't have a lot of money so it wasnt like there was tons of food to eat all the time. They are now finding out that my hormones are so out of wack that I just continue to gain the weight. I can try to lose it but everything seems to go crazy and I'm just at a loss. It was not to long ago that I found myself sitting in the bathroom with a bottle of pills contemplating whether or not I should take them all at once. Thankfully God knew my heart and needs me here so he had Sarah (who never calls because we are both so busy) call me to say "hi". My weight has drove me to this moment several times, I just never was serious about it as I was that day. A week later God gave me a job (if I had only trusted in Him that he would supply my needs, that moment would have never happened) and the job comes with immediate (well starting the 1st of the month) insurance. So with all of that said, I'm praying that God provides a way for me to be happy and healthy. I can no longer live like this. I'm not the same person on the outside as I am on the inside. I just want to feel better. I don't even want to look beautiful. I just want to feel better.
Today I struggle with emotions and overwhelming feelings. Tomorrow, I pray that God gives me peace and understanding....
Looking forward to tomorrow...

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