Tuesday, April 1, 2008

April Showers bring May Flowers

Well we are now into our 4th month of the year and I'm telling you it just felt like last week was Christmas. I feel as if I truly understand that saying "Time Flies".

The last couple of weeks have been difficult. I know its due to my lack of dedication to the Lord. I also know its a trying and testing time in my life. Nothing new I suppose. I went to the dr to find out that I need to lose weight (I know I was shocked too......*insert sarcasm here*) in order to even consider having a child. My mom has mentioned on several occasions I need to have the gastric bypass surgery. Deep down inside I feel as if I am going the easy route though I know I'm not. I also think I am more cautious this time because of the "adventure" if thats what you want to call it that I went through last time. I will be making an appointment with my primary care physician to see about starting the task of getting approval....again. I suffer from borderline diabetes. As long as I'm on byetta I do not feel as if I am going to kill someone when I'm hungry. The joke here is, my insurance company will not approve the prescription because I have to try these other two forms of medication first *sigh*. Why take something away that is helping someone. So needless to say, without time to take off of work because there is just tooo much work and not enough time I haven't had the chance to go see the dr which means I am off my med. This now starts the snowball affect of me gaining back all the weight I have lost (mind you I do nothing different than when I am on the meds. I eat 6 small meals a day, excersize 3 days a week and am cautious about how much sugar I put in my system). I also feel as if i cannot make a rational decision when I am to the point of hunger. The other night a bunch of friends of ours were going out after church. They were taking their time, goofing off and chatting with others and I finally looked at Tim and said "Either we go home now or we go get food now I'm about to kill someone". Its not that I want to act like that but its almost like my brain goes into this "starvation" mode. I know I am far from starving but its like I want to go outside and hunt down someone and starting gnawing on the raw meat of my kill. I know you may be thinking that I am a little or a lot crazy and you would be correct. Try controlling that urge. It usually ends up in Tim and I fighting! lol. My poor husband. He's stuck in there 7 years, I just hope he can handle the next 60 ;)

We are still having issues with the neighbors. Its to the point that every little thing they do makes me want to go and knock their heads off. We are pretty sure they are dealing drugs and they are not respectful of our property. We have posted signs and actually have put a lock on our OWN gate! The other day I was cleaning and went to take some trash out, I try and take the lock off the gate and sure enough the wonderful neighbors super glued it. How kind of them. I about lost it. Tim called the cops we got some advise from them and pretty much I want to MOVE! I can't handle living in a row home and just need to get away from them. They think they are funny but in all reality I want to purchase a gun and shoot them. I'm not that stupid but that is the rage I am feeling lol. I know God is testing me, teaching me something, and I really need to stop and listen to HIM but this flesh of mine is so hard to control sometimes. Please pray for our situation. It is becoming very difficult not to feel bitter.

Church has been going well. Our bus route has had high numbers on it the last few Sundays which is encouraging. We also have had a lot of new visitors in our Teen Boy class. Tim and I really want to do more with them. We just need to use our time more wisely to plan things for them.

Well, lunch is almost over. I should get going. Lots of love and prayers.

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