Friday, September 11, 2009

when my "whirlwind of life" became a little bit darker....

Today, I woke up feeling refreshed, not realizing it was the 8th anniversary of 9/11, and was ready to start my day. As I sat on my bed reading the last few pages of my book that has kept me up until 1am, waiting on my husband to let me know he was ready to go to work, I heard my cell phone ring. It wasn't a ringer that was linked to anyone so I thought "ill finish up my book and then go get it". Then it rang again, and I knew that someone was trying to get a hold of me. I picked up my phone to see my brother tried calling. I call him back and that is when my "whirlwind of life" became a little bit darker....

My uncle Jerry, the last of the brothers on my dad's side, passed away this morning of cancer. I had no idea he had turned for the worst, but that would be difficult since my father's side of the family tends to hold grudges and has a hard time with the word forgiveness. With shock in my voice I asked my brother to give me the details of the funeral when he finds them out. It seems like a de ja vu moment, except I didn't get to say goodbye. 1 year and 8 months ago my uncle Billy passed away of cancer. The family came from all over to say their goodbyes, to try and mend hurting hearts, and through the pain of watching a loved one suffer, I remember the great big smile my uncle Billy gave me, that gave me peace and it was my last glimpse of the uncle I remembered from my childhood. The last time I saw my Uncle Jerry he was swollen from the steroids he was on to try and shrink the cancer, his head was bald from the treatments, and he looked so much like my uncle Billy before his final days arrived, that was over a year ago. My heart aches to know I didn't get to hug him, tell him how much I loved him, share the gospel with him and confirm he had accepted Christ as his Savior sometime in his life if not right then, tell him I'm sorry that forgiveness runs short in the family but that I had always loved him, no matter what happened. I didn't get to tell him that when I have kids I will make sure they know all their aunts and uncles, their cousins, and they will learn to forgive....

My whirlwind is a little darker today, and as I process this, my emotions go from shock, hurt, anger, pain, forgiveness...I am still thankful that God gives "And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:7

If there is one thing I could say, one thing I could do....is remember...in the midst of hurt and pain from 9/11....in the midst of a love one passing....always remember to say "I Love You", always remember to forgive, and always remember that "Whereas ye know not what shall be on the morrow. For what is your life? It is even a vapour, that appeareth for a little time, and then vanisheth away." James 4:14

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

The Whirlwind that never stops...

Thats what it seems like lately...the life whirlwind...go here, go there, be here, need to go there, need to be over there at the same time you are here and so on....

I'm so glad the church secretary is back! Thats one less job I have to do! Praise the Lord!

College started last week, it seemed to be flying by with just a blink! Monday students started moving in, Tuesday registration started, Wednesday was the first day of school, Thursday was some what normal, Friday was work, hang out with the students in the dorm, dorm devotions, go to bed way to late, Saturday breakfast for everyone in our apartment at 10am, then to the heatherly's for volleyball and dinner, then church Sunday, then Monday was labor day, breakfast at the Carr's house, go to Great Lakes Crossing walk the entire mall and stop in 1/3 of the stores, then Devo's with the girls and tuesday I CRASHED! I slept most of the day and that did not sit well with Tim but my body just couldn't do it anymore...I just needed a day!

We received word on Monday that one of the Kolmus twins, Caleb, passed away. He was One week old (but 16 weeks early). We have been lifting them up in prayer daily as often as I can, and i feel so bad. Leah is still hour by hour but she is stable.

I've had a lot on my mind lately and no time to blog about it. There has been a lot going on around me in my friends lives and it is hard to watch a friend struggle with life, choices, and satan. It's hard to watch a family that you love dearly struggle within. I know thats what we get when we live in this world but it still doesn't ease the hurt you feel.

God has been so good to me. I am constantly reminded of His love for me. He provides in ways I cannot imagine and when I think it couldn't get any better, He gives me a new surprise! If only I could be more faithful to Him!

This is more of a venting thread than anything...welcome to the whirlwind!