Friday, September 11, 2009

when my "whirlwind of life" became a little bit darker....

Today, I woke up feeling refreshed, not realizing it was the 8th anniversary of 9/11, and was ready to start my day. As I sat on my bed reading the last few pages of my book that has kept me up until 1am, waiting on my husband to let me know he was ready to go to work, I heard my cell phone ring. It wasn't a ringer that was linked to anyone so I thought "ill finish up my book and then go get it". Then it rang again, and I knew that someone was trying to get a hold of me. I picked up my phone to see my brother tried calling. I call him back and that is when my "whirlwind of life" became a little bit darker....

My uncle Jerry, the last of the brothers on my dad's side, passed away this morning of cancer. I had no idea he had turned for the worst, but that would be difficult since my father's side of the family tends to hold grudges and has a hard time with the word forgiveness. With shock in my voice I asked my brother to give me the details of the funeral when he finds them out. It seems like a de ja vu moment, except I didn't get to say goodbye. 1 year and 8 months ago my uncle Billy passed away of cancer. The family came from all over to say their goodbyes, to try and mend hurting hearts, and through the pain of watching a loved one suffer, I remember the great big smile my uncle Billy gave me, that gave me peace and it was my last glimpse of the uncle I remembered from my childhood. The last time I saw my Uncle Jerry he was swollen from the steroids he was on to try and shrink the cancer, his head was bald from the treatments, and he looked so much like my uncle Billy before his final days arrived, that was over a year ago. My heart aches to know I didn't get to hug him, tell him how much I loved him, share the gospel with him and confirm he had accepted Christ as his Savior sometime in his life if not right then, tell him I'm sorry that forgiveness runs short in the family but that I had always loved him, no matter what happened. I didn't get to tell him that when I have kids I will make sure they know all their aunts and uncles, their cousins, and they will learn to forgive....

My whirlwind is a little darker today, and as I process this, my emotions go from shock, hurt, anger, pain, forgiveness...I am still thankful that God gives "And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:7

If there is one thing I could say, one thing I could do....is remember...in the midst of hurt and pain from 9/11....in the midst of a love one passing....always remember to say "I Love You", always remember to forgive, and always remember that "Whereas ye know not what shall be on the morrow. For what is your life? It is even a vapour, that appeareth for a little time, and then vanisheth away." James 4:14

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