Sunday, July 18, 2010

A preachers wife....

Thats what I am...a preachers wife....I never imagined in a million years that this is what I would be.  It's an honor that God would give me this position.  I am thankful that He has a place for me and to know that He could "use" me to fulfill part of His plan. It is just unthinkable for me!

Though this is exciting, it is terrifying all at the same time!  For 16 years I have been involved in church.  I have been involved in the ministry for about 12 years.  I have been married for 9 years.  At the beginning of my marriage I was very selfish, self centered, and would start or be involved in drama.  I didn't know what I was doing was ruining my marriage, killing my testimony, and hurting my service for Him.  It wasn't until we moved back to Michigan (it will be two years in November!) that God really got ahold of my heart.  The last 4 to 5 years I honestly started to see my self destruction.  Thankfully God gave my husband unbelievable patience and understanding to help me through this valley.  It wasn't until I started thinking about how my actions affect others, how my words make others feel, and how my decisions impact my husband and his ministry that my life changed.  I shouldn't say "it wasn't until "I" started..." I should say....When God finally got a hold of my HEART and I LISTENED.  I am still learning, this is very new for me.  At times I find myself slipping back into the "old" Ann and that is when I am miserable.  It is more often but I am thankful God grieves my heart and shows me that I need to seek HIM. 

I look at other marriages (don't get me wrong I do not judge in anyway other marriages because mine is far from perfect) and see the roles that each partner plays and I realize that if a woman is not submissive, caring, loving, selfless, willing, encouraging, creating a safe haven, and most of all, in a close realationship with the Lord, she will ruin her husbands ministry.  Most women do not realize that WE are the cause of most of the pain or hurt.  If we are doing all the things we are COMMANDED to do, I believe our Marriage, our Husband and our Home's would be at peace.  There is the daily attacks of Satan but if we are unified in those three areas I believe God gives you the power to overcome Satan and His attacks. 

God commanded us to submit Colossians 3:18  "Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord.".  I know the world makes the word "submit" into something totally different than what God intended it to be in this verse but it is true.  Submission to your husband is a gift that only YOU can give. This world has corrupted our way of thinking so much that we are self centered.  Its what I want or what I feel that matters.  I am reminded of this often.  I realize that when I have done wrong, or when I have upset my husband it was mostly because I was being selfish.  I know my husband isn't perfect but I will admit he is one of the most tender hearted, caring and loving personI know.  He is always making sure I am ok and comfortable.  He is always taking care of my needs and he shows how much he loves me on a daily basis.  It just amazes me that God knew just what I needed in a husband.  Obviously God knew better than I did because he gave me far more than I ever deserved.  I am ashamed of how selfish I can be at times to a man who does everything in his power to try and please me.  Just today we were in the car, on our way home from church.  We were talking about a few of the students and I was just really at a loss as to how we deal with their individual issues.  I was telling him how I feel as if we are losing control.  Tim reminded me that they won't change until we change.  I asked him what he meant and he explained that until we draw close to the Lord and we set limits, standards and such for our own lives and keep to them then how do we expect the students to do the same thing?  I didn't really say anything as he was talking but my mind was going a million miles a minute. I was thinking "they just need to obey the rules and not worry about what we do".  The minute I thought that I could have cried.  I know its my flesh, but it was an honest feeling.  I don't want to be that type of Christian.

Over the last year God has put us in a position of authority over a dormitory.  The beginning was easy, the last semester was difficult. I realize now that it was because I was doing it all in self and not relying on God or His strength.  This is my biggest struggle.  I know I need to seek God and my walk needs to be more consistent.  My prayer life needs to be revived and my compassion to be renewed.  I feel the Lord moving in my life, preparing me for what He has next.  I want to feel His love, compassion, understanding.  I want to see the world through his eyes...

I go back to the day that I stood in front of the church with my husband as he answered his called to preach.  The pastor stood in the pulpit looked down at us and gave us words of encouragement.  He then said "We need to pray for Ann because the devil will attack her because she is the weaker vessel..." I just smiled with tears in my eyes and never realized how true that statement was.  Women, we are the weaker vessel, we are emotional beings that wear our hearts on our sleeves.  If we don't get a hold of our emotions, focus on our walk with the Lord and see the world through God's eyes, the devil will use us to ruin our husbands ministry....

I wrote this so I can go back and be reminded of where God has brought me and where he is taking me.  I wrote this because I know I'm not alone....I wrote this because my heart is heavy and I needed to remind myself that it is not I who is control but HIM....

My life verse...Matthew 5:16 Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works and glorify your Father which is in heaven.

I pray that God will continue to use me, to use my husband, to use those around me....

2 comments:

Mrs.B said...

Where is Tim pastoring??

Ann Marie said...

Hey Michelle :) Tim is not pastoring yet. He will be graduating from college in the spring and we aren't sure where God will take us after that. Even though he is not a pastor, he is still a preacher :) We are excited to see what the future holds. How are you and Ben? Is he pastoring again yet?