Friday, August 17, 2012

Sometimes It Just Needs To Be Said....

For the last few years I have worked hard (with the Lords help of course) on my attitude.  I have been trying to be more positive and believe that life is not as "bad" as I grew up thinking it was.  There was a combination of things in my younger years that made it difficult but at the age of 14 I was given a new outlook on life.  I may not have "jumped" right in and been the happy girl I should have but after years of encouragement from my husband my heart has seen that positivity is better.  If you looked at my actions from today...you would know that I still struggle with being a positive person.  I fell a little...ok fine....A LOT!

I blame most of it on hormones and some on feelings.  Neither are good excuses.  If you saw my status earlier in the day you would know that I was really struggling.  My heart was broken a few days ago and I just didn't have time to "deal" with it because of our trip.  I knew I was exhausted and though my "inside" thinks I can rule the world my outside hinders me from that (and I know it is probably a good thing for the rest of ya'll).  Once the status hit...I immediately started receiving comments of encouragement, text messages and even phone calls.  Even my poor husband tried to come and comfort me.  I was ready or willing to accept it just yet.  I knew what I needed.  I needed to be alone and with the Lord....

I went on a trip to learn about my country and how we were founded on Christian Principals but my heart was not focused on it.  I enjoyed the trip but again...my heart just wasn't in it.  I am ashamed to admit it but it is the truth.  When Tuesday came around I was excited most of the day and by the time we reached the hotel my heart was broken (I'll keep the "why" to myself as its personal and really it's kinda selfish) and I really just wanted to be home...in my bed...and away from everyone.

Sometimes I doubt myself, where the Lord has brought me, how He has provided and where He is taking me.  In the end I always come back to Him but I can make it so difficult.  Thursday night, Brother Tim Schmig preached a message on humility.  I needed that message.  I was reminded that I do not look at lost souls the way the Lord does.  I went to the alter and begged the Lord to touch my heart, help me to see the lost.  The last thing I want is someone going to hell because I didn't share the gospel.

My grandfather is laying in a hospital bed.  We are told he doesn't have much longer.  I'm not sure how long that really is, but I know that the end is coming.  My eyes are full of tears.  When my family first got saved, we would send Christmas gifts, Birthday Gifts, Fathers Day gifts and so on full of tracts and the gospel.  We would talk to Pop about getting saved.  He's a devout Catholic.  My heart breaks knowing I have not made it down to him.  Deep down inside I'm kind of scared to go.  I remember him as the man who always had something witty to say.  When he saw me he would smile and say "Hows my Ann Marie doing".  He'd give me great words of wisdom such as "Always have ice cream after dinner".  He would take me fishing, or out clothes shopping.  He'd always talk about his financial "woes".  He knew the best places to eat and always talked about how much he loves his wife.  I don't want to see him so vulnerable, weak and fragile.  Thats not who he is to me.  Pop and Nannie are like second parents to me.  They protected me, loved me, spoiled me, made time for me, encouraged me, helped me, and gave unconditionally that I would have a great life.  They have accepted my husband as their own.  I can't imagine either of them gone.  I don't want them to suffer but I dont' want them gone.  If I knew he was saved, I think it may be a little easier on me knowing that I WILL one day see him again...for eternity.

I feel as if my world is crashing down around me.  I know the Lord is there, protecting me, but the thought of my family not having time.  The thought of my grandfather going out into eternity.  The thought that I do not feel well most days.  Well...its overwhelming....and I can only get through this by leaning on Him...and trusting that He will Carry Me....

I know this is just a moment...and tomorrow may or may not be better...but eventually it will be behind me.  I am thankful for my friends and family.  I'm thankful for my Church.  I am thankful for my husband who has truly lived his vows...."I,Tim, take you, Ann, to be my wife; to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part." 

I really am thankful....I just had a moment....




Wednesday, July 18, 2012

You do not fail when you fall....only if you don't get back up.....

Here I am...getting back up :)

The last 5 weeks have been fun, overwhelming and exhausting!

We went on family vacation for a week, came home to prepare for a huge "Celebrate America" Sunday and Monday.  We had friends and family come into town for a week.  I have been working non stop on a wedding which is this Saturday.  Next week is Neighborhood Bible Time (aka Vacation Bible School) and then there is the Washington D.C. Trip.  Needless to say, I haven't been to the gym :( boooooooo

I have yearned for the gym! I mean seriously! I can't wait to get back in there and get the 5 pounds I've gained off and then some! I fell off the wagon...thankfully I have been busy enough that I haven't gained much back and have kept pretty active but I can tell a HUGE difference in how I feel!

I have been soaking up and enjoying farm fresh veggies and fruits all summer! I'm excited to say blueberries fresh picked are my favorite! Tim and I will have to go back in a week and get some more only because I would leave them in a dish and we'd walk by and grab a huge handful and eat them....every. time. we. walked. by. lol

I have noticed some major changes in my body.  My hair is fuller and healthier....my husband said "I think you are finally winning against this PCOS".  That made me smile real big :) I love when he notices stuff!

Because I haven't been eating super healthy like before...my gut is bloated! I'm telling you...eating clean is so much better...but with a super busy schedule I just haven't been able to keep up! I hate to say this but I'm excited for when summer is over so that I can get back to a schedule that isn't so hectic!

So my goal starting Monday....working out at least 3 times a week but I'm hoping to make all 5 days!
Eating cleaner and eliminating sugar, dairy and gluten (gotta weed it out and find fun foods to replace it....hence my addiction to pinterest)
commit to logging everything on myfitnesspal.com

How many are you in with me on this?!?!?! We got this!!! Ready.....Set...See you in the gym on Monday!!!

Love,
Ann Marie
The girl who refuses to let weight hinder her!

Friday, July 13, 2012

Prayer Request....


Nannie and Pop are like second parents to me.  They are my grandparents but I feel as if they were my other set of parents from when I was growing up.  They always made our summers full of fun.  Christmas and birthdays were always special and even now that I am older and married they still have a way of making me feel as if I am super special.  For the last few years they have been headed down the road I dread.  I have never really wanted to think about these moments. The letters or cards I receive from my grandparents have talked about how old age is kicking in full force and how its getting harder and harder for them.  Of course Nannie always puts a grin or smile after those kind of statements.  As I type this my heart is breaking.  My grandfather is doing the worst….he’s in the hospital with possible broken ribs, dehydration and a possible blood infection.  The way I remember my grandfather is the many fishing trips he would take me on as a little girl.  We’d go out on a pier right before the sun would set and he’d put a shrimp on my hook for me and help me cast it into the water.  I’d patiently….more like impatiently….wait for a fish of some sort to latch on and then with girlish excitement I’d scream and giggle and try to reel in the fish.  It was always exciting to see what kind of fish it would be.  Sometimes just a little fish… most of the time a stingray…other times a baby shark….I once caught a blowfish and it blew way up and then went small and kept doing it over and over...Pop would come and get it and take the hook out of the poor fishes mouth and let me look at it and then he’d throw it back in the water.  I love when pop would tell us stories of his childhood or talk about how beautiful Nannie was when he met her.  He is extremely witty and always making us laugh.  He’d get in his recliner and I’d sit on the foot rest and he’d play games with me.  I think he always let me win most of the time.  As I grew older and it went from always playing in the pool, or going to Walt Disney, or universal studios to going to the movies, or shopping or going out for lunch…I always enjoy time with Pop. 
Today I received word he is in the hospital and my heart just breaks.  I want so badly to go see him.  We have witnessed to him since I became a Christian.  We would stuff tracts in his Christmas gifts and invite him to church when he’d come visit.  A year ago this past May my husband also tried to witness to him concerning salvation.  My mom has complete peace that he is saved.  I have begged the Lord to give me the same peace.  He is Catholic. I believe Catholics can be saved…but how can they know the truth with all the lies that are fed to them?  I hope and pray he really is. 
I ask that you pray for my grandparents.  Pray for their salvation.  Pray for their health…and most of all pray for peace and comfort for all the family. 
 

Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Who am I?

The answer to that question is different today than it was 25 years ago.

Today I am a preachers wife.
25 years ago I was 7

In 32 years I've experienced a bit of life.  I went to public and Christian school.  I went to a Baptist college.  I married a preacher.  I have one dog.  I have 5 babies in heaven.  I may never be able to have children to hold and watch grow.  I am a Pastors wife.  I still love to laugh and smile.  My best friend is my husband and he seriously knows me better than myself at times.  I still struggle with fitting in.  Some things people said to me when I was younger still hurt me today.  July of 2011 is the first time I experienced true betrayal in the ministry and the Lord was the only one who could heal my broke heart from it.  I have come to terms that I am sensitive.

Today I struggle with a broken heart.  Wish I could say what it is that was really bothering me.  Afraid to put it into words because I don't want to hurt others.  Thankful that I don't have to.  I know the Lord knows my heart and He will give me comfort.

Today, I wish for more money.  Not to be rich.  Not even to put food on the table. I just want wish I could go see my grandparents.  My family keeps telling me it may not be much longer.  My heart breaks just typing that.  I love all of my family but my grandparents are the second closes thing to my parents.  They hold such a special place in my heart.  They gave me wonderful summers, the opportunity to go to a Christian Highschool, paid for a lot of my college.  They gave wonderful advice and to see them now, having such a hard time...I just wish I was there to help them...give my dad a break from being down there so much...and I just need more time with them.
grandparents
Today, I wish I was stronger, more loving, full of grace and mercy.

Today, I wish my heart would stop hurting, calm down and be more faithful....

Thats who I am today....it could change tomorrow....and I'm not the same as yesterday.....I'm just going to focus on today.


Tuesday, May 8, 2012

So Many Meanings,,,


Sunday we honor our mothers.  This day tends to be extremely hard for me.  I put on a smile and wish those around me a Happy Mothers day and I smile at their children.  I will hold some of the babies and squeeze them a little more.  I will think of all my mom has done for me.  How much she protected, provided and loved me.  I will think about her many sacrifices and how she has cheered me on over the years.  I will think of my Nanny (grandmother) and how thankful I am that she raised my mom and how she has been such a wonderful support over the years. I will think of my dad's mom and how much she sacrificed to raise my dad.  I will think of my Husbands mother and how grateful I am that she raised a good godly son who adores me.  


I will then think of those little babies the Lord has for me in heaven.  I will think about how I KNOW why it was for the best but how I yearn to just see their precious faces, see their smile, and hug them tight....one day...when the trumpet sounds...I will :)


I will be reminded that if I "Delight thyself also in the Lord; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart." Ps 37:4

I know one day the Lord will bless us with an addition to our family.  As I grow older each year, I feel I become more desperate for that moment.  My husband, a gentle, patient and loving man, reminds me that God's time will be perfect.  I know this....I really do....and when the moment comes...I will adore my children so much more, I will appreciate the precious life and I will do everything I can to raise them to Love the Lord.  


I know one day it will happen....I do....it still can be kinda hard....ya know...

So mothers, love your babies today, be thankful for them, and even when it is difficult and at times you are overwhelmed, remember, they are precious gifts from the Lord. :)


Happy Mothers Day! 

Love,

Ann Marie 

Thursday, May 3, 2012

It's going to get better....

I know it will.  I know all the hard work that I have put into the last 4 months will be worth it all.  Its not that future I struggle with.  Its the daily moments.  Monday I woke up tired, but feeling ok.  Tim and I spent some much needed quality time together.  We took a long lazy drive through the country, stopped and got a bite to eat, chatted about things and the future.  We met friends for dinner, he went and played ball I went shopping with friends.  My day ended perfect....it was wonderful....I loved every moment....

Inspiration!

Tuesday and Wednesday came and well it was nothing like Monday....

I don't know how to describe what I go through when "moments" hit me.  At times I feel the weight of the world, at other times I'm just sick to my stomach and the thought of getting out bed is way to overwhelming....

If you have never struggled with hormone imbalance then you would think what I'm saying is crazy.  And to be honest...I would agree with you.  That is how I feel a lot of the time.  Crazy....

At night is the hardest for me.  I dread going to sleep.  I will be so tired and lay down to sleep and about an hour later I will wake up with this "anxiety" feeling like my body is about to burst and go in 7 million different directions.  I'm not worried or depressed about anything...it is literally my body battling the overwhelming amount of hormones.  By the time Tim gets up in the morning to go to the office, I finally fall into a deep and wonderful sleep...only to wake up a few hours later way to tired.

When you start to listen to your body you begin to realize what to expect.  I used to have these "anxiety" feelings all the time when I worked at the Law Firm in Maryland.  What I didn't realize is...I had started losing weight there (walking to work, eating healthy, watching my calories) and as the pounds dropped the anxiety became grater.  I only realize this now...as I'm having the same issues.

Inspiration

Like I said in the beginning....I know it will be worth it, I am excited, I remind myself of how far I have come.  But these moments can at times be overwhelming.  Yesterday I spent 90% of the day in bed, overcoming a  nauseous feeling and frustration.  I spent a lot of time praying, reading my bible and knowing that tomorrow will have to be different....

Tomorrow is today and I feel a little better....I feel way to sensitive about things but at least I'm up, showered and sitting in my office considering losing my self in crafting....its a start.....

.

On a better note...I'm down another 2 pounds that would be 46 pounds...YES! so close to 50!!!


Monday, April 16, 2012

Its the little things that count....

I've considered telling my weight...but I'm just not ready yet....in time...maybe once I hit my 50lb mark!

Anyway....I wanted to share some of the little things....the things I notice with all this working out and eating healthy that is inspiring me to continue...

Today, I got on the arc trainer...was going to town when I looked down and 15 minutes had already passed....I wasn't exhausted, I wasn't leaning forward trying to talk myself into making it...I was straight up just going to town and I got all excited because my back wasn't hurting, and I wasn't "exhausted"! Yep its a move on up!

Yesterday, I put a skirt on that I've been wearing, but yesterday, there was room in the waist....I mean ROOM!!! that just thrilled my soul! lol

Since my birthday I've been on weight watchers....not one time have I used my weekly "overage" points or have I used my exercise points! woohoo! I'm supposed to have about 54 points a day but I only average 38 and I PROMISE I'm eating!!!! It is impossible to eat that many points daily! I promise! lol Well unless I eat junk!

I have a ton more energy! My emotional well being isn't always stable but I blame that on my hormones (did you know you store hormones in your fat so when you start to lose it your body actually has too many hormones? and that is where a lot of mood swings and that crazy feeling come from...well at least for me lol) but I have a ton of energy!

I also am sleeping sooooooo much better.  No more nightly trips to the bathroom! I do get up every once in a while to get some water...then I make note to drink MORE the next day!


Thats all I can think of right now but I'm totally excited! Just taking it one day at a time and thankful for so many of you that continue to encourage and support me! You have no idea how much it means to me!

Love Always,

Ann Marie

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

A Letter to Me....from Me....

Quick and Effective

I've received so many wonderful encouraging responses to my daily “status” updates of working out and I’ve even received a few private message “thanking” me for encouraging them.  Some have said “I wish I had your will” and others said “I wish I could do that” and I just think….YOU CAN!  If this girl who has been told all her teenage and adult life that she needs to lose weight even though everything was against her (hormones, genes and life in general) than Those messages made me think about what made me get on board and do this? I’m a great starter, but not a good finisher.  At 32 years of age…I want to change that…and I will….So I wrote a letter to myself….


Dear Ann,
                Over the last few months, you have looked back at your life and realized who you are….and why you are that person.  When you think of yourself, and then look in the mirror you are shocked, humiliated and saddened. For so long, you’ve thought of yourself different.  Nothing wrong with that, other than, the girl that has been screaming at you on the inside to be what you’ve always wanted; has been pushed deep down and held captive. You didn’t want to see the truth.  In January of this year, you released her.  You allowed her to show you the truth.  She’s the real you, not the one you have pretended to be for so long.  She is the sweet, kind, caring, and loving girl that you’ve always wanted to be.  She is also full of determination and will.  Some call it stubbornness but you call it determination for good.  For years you have begged for children.  The one thing in life that you feel you are good at, loving children.  Year after year, you come to Mothers Day and your arms are empty, and there is the void in your heart.  You question why, you feel like you have failed and at times wanted to scream why you. This year will be different.  You will regain control of your body.  You are aware, that as you lose weight and become healthy, that it may not result in a pregnancy but you will do this, just so you can be in the best health possible, if the Lord blesses you with children.  You have found your determination and will deep inside.  Every morning you wake up and think “I don’t really feel like going today” and then you tell yourself “Get up, get dressed and go its all you HAVE to do today”.  Then before you know you are working away on the arc trainer thankful and feeling good.  You have a long ways to go.  You are in this for the long haul, but as you meet your little goals and see your body transform, remember, your reasons, remember why you are doing this, and know that you can.  

yep.

When it’s tough, and you feel those judging eyes upon you, remember, you’re not sitting on the couch doing nothing, you are at the gym, and you are making a difference.  When you are emotionally drained, remember the “why” and know you can.  If there was ever a time to fight for your life Ann….the time is now.  Be thankful for those who stand by you and cheer you on, be aware of those who sacrifice so that you can do this, and be grateful for those who put up with the hard moments because they mean the world to you. 
Ann don’t give up, keep going, and one day, you’ll be able to help someone else who is struggling with releasing the “real” person….just as you have…..

workout

Love Always…
Ann

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Another goal has been met!

Today I met another goal in my life! I was able to complete my first ever 90 minute workout! YAY!! I am doing a happy dance! I love the arc trainer and hate it all at the same time! I did 30 minutes on that and then an hour on the treadmill!After talking to the personal trainer she said I need to keep my heartrate down so I can burn fat.  So needless to say, I have been focusing on that.  I may not be fast, or set my incline high, but I will tell you that I am losing weight :) oh and inches! Even better :)

I received cash for my birthday so with part of it, I joined weight watchers.  I have stayed below my points (honest I'm not trying, its just hard unless you eat junk food lol) and I haven't tapped into my weekly extra allowance or my activity allowance.  Praise the Lord.  I'm trying to make healthy decisions, eat more protein and drink lots and lots of water :)

Tim has been a huge encouragement to me and tomorrow he said he's gonna go to the gym with us...so lets see if he can hang lol...

I have gotten past the point of not wanting to work out.  I enjoy getting up in the mornings and going to the gym first thing.  What has been the biggest blessing of all, is taking my time at life.  I do not have to worry about going to work or making sure I have plenty of energy for work.  I have been able to focus on myself for the first time, and just getting myself healthier.

I'm excited about meeting my goals! I guess it helps me keep going too! lol

Ann

3/11-3/17

Had such a wonderful week!!!

3/11 was the Lords Day! Both Services were amazing! We had one of our young teen's get glorious saved! AMEN! His dad had been coming for about 2 months! We are very excited to have Evan in our class! He is very intelligent and fits right in :)

3/12 I had one of my greatest workouts! I know...I have said that before....they just keep growing! I worked out on the Treadmill for 45 minutes and then did the Arc Trainer for about 7 minutes.  My first time on it and it kicked my butt! The rest of the day I cleaned, went and did a little shopping and relaxed with my husband :)

3/13- Worked out 60 minutes on the treadmill and 10 minutes on the Arc Trainer.  It was TOUGH! ugh! I didn't get a very good nights rest so I think that had something to do with it.  The weather has been really warm and BEAUTIFUL.  If only I had my camera charged....I did order a new charger...so I'm sure when it arrives I will find my original charger *sigh* I also did LAUNDRY! UGH 8 loads...over at the Kachuk house.  I enjoy their fellowship! Had a great time :) Hanging out...not doing laundry! But I did get to use my homemade laundry soap and I LOVE it! It works soooo good! Will be well worth the $28 investment :)

3/14- Worked out 60 minutes on Treadmill and 20 minutes on Arc Trainer....WOOP WOOP! I had a GREAT workout!!! I'm really focusing on my heat rate while working out...the Personal trainer said if its lower I can burn fat...so thats what I'm trying to do right now.  I have to go much slower...but hey...its not how fast....its how well...so thats a good thing.  Church was wonderful tongiht.  I was able to hold little Savannah the whole time.  She is the cutest baby girl I have ever seen! Seriously! She has the most perfect features! a Head full of dark hair big blue eyes and just adorable! She is a reminder of what my ultimate goal is :)

3/15- Worked out 60 minutes on Treadmill and 20 minutes on Arc Trainer! It's official....the Arc Trainer is my enemy! I always thought  my legs were strong....until I get on there! The first 10 minutes are painful, and I find myself wanting to quit.  Something deep down inside me shows up and makes me remember my ultimate goal! I will do this and my lazy flesh will not hold me back.  This is the first time in my 32 years of life that I've desired something and stuck with it.  It's been a rough journey but every day I still get up and do it! Tim has been a huge motivation for that as well.  My knee is still really bothering me and today after my workout it was really difficult to get around.  I'm thinking I may need new shoes.  Maybe I can get those for my Birthday :) I did a little shopping at Walmart and at Target for some storage items.  We are staying in the Prophets Chamber until our Parsonage becomes available and its little...and we run out of places to put stuff! I got some amazing deals! Bought a few rolling racks on clearance and USED A COUPON! so I got it for super cheap! Love it! Did very little work at home as my knee was really bothering me! There is always tomorrow:)

3/16- No workout this morning...but don't worry...I got one! lol  I did about 90 minutes of cleaning! I mean GOOD CLEANING! ya know the spring time kinda clean! It felt good to have my house clean! lol  Then I went shopping for the Workers Luncheon we are having as an appreciation for all their hard work at Harvest.  I love doing things like this! Whats on the menu?  Chili, meat Sandwiches, chips, fruit salad and cookies for dessert.  I browned the ground beef so I would have less to do in the morning tomorrow.  6 pounds later....lol  Anyway...it was an overall good day

3/17-  No workout again today, BUT I did prepare all the food for the Workers banquet, served the food and cleaned up! So trust me, I got my workout! lol We had a great appreciation banquet.  46 people showed up and heard a ton of great things about the banquet.  Thankful to be able to do the Lords work! I did wear green just so I wouldn't get pinched :) Tomorrow is my birthday! Can't wait!!

Monday, March 12, 2012

Weekly blogging...

I'm not sure that many people would be interested in hearing about my week but I just read a post from a friend concerning her husband grandma that past away and it reminded me of something I've been wanting to do.  My goal is to blog once a week about the past week and hopefully I can get more than that in...then at the end of the year I'll have that year printed and put in a book.  I know of quite a few people who are doing Project Life.  Something I'd love to do but I just don't think it's me right now.

So I'll start with Last week....3/4-3/10
I'm hoping to add pictures but I have to wait until my new charger shows up in the mail since my husband has "misplaced" it *sigh*

Sunday of course was Church...it was wonderful.  The spirit of Harvest is just wonderful! We love that the people are willing to do anything asked! The Pastor, Martin Shott, loves his people.  He would seriously give them his shirt if they needed it.  The messages have been on reconciliation  since our theme is "Each one reach one; Each One Teach One".

Monday- I didn't end up going to the gym with Anna but I did do my biggest Loser dvd!  I also received my package from Close to My heart! I am a brandy new consultant! You can find my website here www.annlee.myctmh.com.  So I played with that!

Tuesday- I worked on my crafting! fun fun! Our Pastor invited us out for lunch....special occasion?  Keep the staff happy! lol He's so funny! We watched a movie :)

Wednesday- Worked out 60 minutes on the treadmill felt really good to accomplish that! Then I came home, cleaned up some, worked on some crafting, took a nap, and we had church! I worked in the nursery with Roxanne.  We had a great time...loved the little ones we had.  Dillon, Christina and Kayla.

Thursday- Got up around 8am and went to the gym.  Walked the treadmill for 60 mintues...it felt good...until i hurt the back of my knee.  *sigh* :(  Rested the rest of the day, missed Financial Peace :(

Friday- More Resting,

Saturday- More resting, made Chicken and Dumplings for a lady in the church that had surgery, spent some time with them. Watched TV and went to bed early because it was time change sunday...which means we would be losing an hour!

That concludes that week! Make sure you come back to this week! I will try and have more detail and of course, maybe, just maybe pictures :)

Ann Marie

Wednesday, February 29, 2012

The First of Many.....


Today was a first.....a first VICTORY from working out! Oh man...I'm so excited.  The first thing I did was Praise the Lord! He knew I needed that pick me up!

As some of you may know I've been working out for about 3 weeks.  The first week was tough...I mean physically and mentally...the second was the same but maybe slightly less.....this week...this week though....oh man...

My alarm went off at 4:30am...yeah you read that right....and my thought was "Oh thats just not fair!" but I had missed 2 days at the gym the week before so I NEEDED to go! so, I got up, got dressed...met my good friend Anna over at Planet Fitness and I did the usual...stretched my back and got on the treadmill.  It started off like usual...start off slow...work my way up...went to watch one of my tv shows on hulu...it wasn't there *sigh*...went to watch another show...wasn't there...I was starting to get discouraged...I needed something to take my mind off the torture of walking on a treadmill! So I turned on my itunes and hit shuffle...and 60 minutes later....raised my speed by .3 I was amazed! I didn't have to stop to stretch my back....my heart rate stayed right at fat burning/cardio my back wasn't hurting....I felt soooooo good! I mean really good...like I could have kept going just because I wanted to see how much more I could do! Now...I'm no fast walker right now but I started off at a slow pace 3 weeks ago and today I was walking faster...I wasn't way out of breath...I had to keep pushing my speed higher because I wanted that out of breath feel! I'm just so shocked! I mean...the Lord knew I was struggling and needed this encouragement! I was just bawling my eyes out to my husband a couple of days ago about how bad I wanted to have children and how hard it is for me...I mean seriously! so...today I celebrate....One small victory....and many more to come!

Praising the Lord!