I've received so many wonderful encouraging responses to my daily “status” updates of working out and I’ve even received a few private message “thanking” me for encouraging them. Some have said “I wish I had your will” and others said “I wish I could do that” and I just think….YOU CAN! If this girl who has been told all her teenage and adult life that she needs to lose weight even though everything was against her (hormones, genes and life in general) than Those messages made me think about what made me get on board and do this? I’m a great starter, but not a good finisher. At 32 years of age…I want to change that…and I will….So I wrote a letter to myself….
Over the last few months, you have looked back at your life and realized who you are….and why you are that person. When you think of yourself, and then look in the mirror you are shocked, humiliated and saddened. For so long, you’ve thought of yourself different. Nothing wrong with that, other than, the girl that has been screaming at you on the inside to be what you’ve always wanted; has been pushed deep down and held captive. You didn’t want to see the truth. In January of this year, you released her. You allowed her to show you the truth. She’s the real you, not the one you have pretended to be for so long. She is the sweet, kind, caring, and loving girl that you’ve always wanted to be. She is also full of determination and will. Some call it stubbornness but you call it determination for good. For years you have begged for children. The one thing in life that you feel you are good at, loving children. Year after year, you come to Mothers Day and your arms are empty, and there is the void in your heart. You question why, you feel like you have failed and at times wanted to scream why you. This year will be different. You will regain control of your body. You are aware, that as you lose weight and become healthy, that it may not result in a pregnancy but you will do this, just so you can be in the best health possible, if the Lord blesses you with children. You have found your determination and will deep inside. Every morning you wake up and think “I don’t really feel like going today” and then you tell yourself “Get up, get dressed and go its all you HAVE to do today”. Then before you know you are working away on the arc trainer thankful and feeling good. You have a long ways to go. You are in this for the long haul, but as you meet your little goals and see your body transform, remember, your reasons, remember why you are doing this, and know that you can.
When it’s tough, and you feel those judging eyes upon you, remember, you’re not sitting on the couch doing nothing, you are at the gym, and you are making a difference. When you are emotionally drained, remember the “why” and know you can. If there was ever a time to fight for your life Ann….the time is now. Be thankful for those who stand by you and cheer you on, be aware of those who sacrifice so that you can do this, and be grateful for those who put up with the hard moments because they mean the world to you.
Ann don’t give up, keep going, and one day, you’ll be able to help someone else who is struggling with releasing the “real” person….just as you have…..