Thursday, May 3, 2012

It's going to get better....

I know it will.  I know all the hard work that I have put into the last 4 months will be worth it all.  Its not that future I struggle with.  Its the daily moments.  Monday I woke up tired, but feeling ok.  Tim and I spent some much needed quality time together.  We took a long lazy drive through the country, stopped and got a bite to eat, chatted about things and the future.  We met friends for dinner, he went and played ball I went shopping with friends.  My day ended perfect....it was wonderful....I loved every moment....

Inspiration!

Tuesday and Wednesday came and well it was nothing like Monday....

I don't know how to describe what I go through when "moments" hit me.  At times I feel the weight of the world, at other times I'm just sick to my stomach and the thought of getting out bed is way to overwhelming....

If you have never struggled with hormone imbalance then you would think what I'm saying is crazy.  And to be honest...I would agree with you.  That is how I feel a lot of the time.  Crazy....

At night is the hardest for me.  I dread going to sleep.  I will be so tired and lay down to sleep and about an hour later I will wake up with this "anxiety" feeling like my body is about to burst and go in 7 million different directions.  I'm not worried or depressed about anything...it is literally my body battling the overwhelming amount of hormones.  By the time Tim gets up in the morning to go to the office, I finally fall into a deep and wonderful sleep...only to wake up a few hours later way to tired.

When you start to listen to your body you begin to realize what to expect.  I used to have these "anxiety" feelings all the time when I worked at the Law Firm in Maryland.  What I didn't realize is...I had started losing weight there (walking to work, eating healthy, watching my calories) and as the pounds dropped the anxiety became grater.  I only realize this now...as I'm having the same issues.

Inspiration

Like I said in the beginning....I know it will be worth it, I am excited, I remind myself of how far I have come.  But these moments can at times be overwhelming.  Yesterday I spent 90% of the day in bed, overcoming a  nauseous feeling and frustration.  I spent a lot of time praying, reading my bible and knowing that tomorrow will have to be different....

Tomorrow is today and I feel a little better....I feel way to sensitive about things but at least I'm up, showered and sitting in my office considering losing my self in crafting....its a start.....

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On a better note...I'm down another 2 pounds that would be 46 pounds...YES! so close to 50!!!


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